


"Why can't we just talk about it?"

by Jamilton_and_Lams



Series: Angstober 2019 [13]
Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi
Genre: "Get Lost", Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Golden core related, Lan wangji is keeping vigil with his husband, M/M, Madness, Memory Loss, Multi POV, Post canon, Sizhui is worried, Wei ying is ill, Xichen doesnt know how to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 15:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamilton_and_Lams/pseuds/Jamilton_and_Lams
Summary: Should he try to sleep?But he's not tired. He's not hungry. He doesn't want…..He doesn't want.He's empty.





	"Why can't we just talk about it?"

Wei Ying looks around the kitchen of the house he is confined in and wants to scream. He wants to scream and yell and punch something (or someone). He wants to cry.

He wants to  _ feel. _

Instead he just sits at the table and stared into nothing.

Because the truth is, he  _ doesn't _ want to scream or yell or punch or cry. He wants to want it. 

A hand on his shoulder.

He doesn't react. 

The press of lips against his hair.

He slumps forward a bit.

"Wei Ying?"

A pleading voice. Does he know the voice? It seems a little familiar. There is a corner of his brain that lights up but he doesn't have the energy to investigate.

Tears splash on the back of his neck.

Should he try to sleep?

But he's not tired. He's not hungry. He doesn't want…..

He doesn't want.

He's empty.

***** 

Sizhui sits opposite his uncle desperate for answers. His parents had confined themselves to the Jingshi after his mother had collapsed one evening out in the fields.

"Please," He begs. "I need to know whats wrong. I need to do  _ something _ to help." 

His uncle just shakes his head and frowns. "No Sizhui. Your father doesn't want you to worry. Now please return to your studies. A night-hunt is leaving tonight if you wish to accompany the other juniors."

"No! I don't want to leave when my mother is ill! I want to know whats wrong!" His voice is bordering on hysterical. (He never talks back. But it's been 2 weeks and nonnews and the door has stayed shut.) "Why can't we just talk about it uncle?  _ Please _ ."

"Sizhui!" His uncles tone is sharp and he bows his head trying to hide the tears.

His uncle exhales. "Sizhui-" his voice is softer now. "Sizhui the truth is… we dont know whats wrong. The healing isn't working. It's almost like-"

His uncle stops abruptly and stands up striding towards the door. Sizhui stands in the middle of his uncles chambers in confusion. It's almost like what?

*******

'It's almost as if he doesn't have a golden core.'

Xichen tears the library pavillion apart in search of the research Wei Ying had said belonged to Wen Qing. When the Burial Mounds had been sacked, the texts had been taken by the Lan sect to copy and review. He was sure there had been something,  _ somewhere _ about golden cores… 

There.

He pauses at the scroll that had been tied with a red ribbon. He carefully unwinds it and-

Wen Qing's theory of transferring Golden Cores. She had marked a 50% in the corner and reading the process and the annotated notes added later on…

Xichen closes over the scroll. He gave his core away. No wonder the transfer of spiritual energy wasn't working. There was nothing to absorb it. 

There was just the festering pile of resentful energy that clung to his soul and leeched the life from his body. 

Without a golden core it was a miracle Wei Ying had survived as long he had. 

Demonic cultivators usually had a short lifespan, the energy too dark and uncontrollable. Too toxic. 

But Wei Ying had mastered it. 

And now he would die.

******

Lan Zhan doesn't move from his husband's side. He tries transferring spiritual energy the first day but it only made the condition worse. ('He has no Golden core' he chastised himself. 'Of course it won't work') 

The days turned to weeks and Xichen arrives to tell him what he had discovered. (Too soon into the conversation Xichen pauses and stares at him wide eyed. "You already knew!" He bows his head in shame before turning back to his husband.)

Xichen leaves and within an hour he hears Sizhui climb the steps to sit with his back to the door, where he has kept vigil the last few weeks. 

Lan Zhan feels his heart break for his son. He remembers himself, much younger but also keeping vigil by his mother's home. He looks at Wei Ying again. "Do you want to speak to Sizhui Love? Do you want to see A-Yuan?" 

For the first time in weeks he watches wei ying open his mouth. 

"Get lost."

Lan WangJi's heart breaks again as he watches his husband on the edge of death and madness. Just like last time. He unlocks the jingshi and he hears their son scramble for the door before hesitating. 

"Quickly A-Yuan"

His son barges in. 

******

"Get lost"

Sizhui pales before looking at his father who has silent tears streaming down his face.

"Wei Ying it's Sizhui, A-Yuan - do you remember?"

"Get lost'

"Do you remember me?"

"Get lost"

Sizhui can see the impact those two words are having on his father. (He's heard the story of course. The 33 scars for the 33 elders who had tried to stop him healing his love.)

"Mother please!"

****

Wei Ying turns from the wall. He should know the people in front of him his mind supplies. But thats it. He  _ should _ know them. But he doesn't. He wonders if he should pull on his power to bring this place down around their ears.

But he doesn't. He doesn't want…

He doesnt want what?

He turns away from the strangers and back to the wall.

He wants so scream or yell or punch- 

He frowns. No. No he doesn't.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me on twitter!  
https://twitter.com/bi_revolutionar


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